steelxcorpsez

Jordan doesn't care about me, he's not coming back.
I upset a lot of people I am close to.
I am cheating in a relationship that doesn't exist.

I was so HAPPY. This time last year, everything was working out. Everything. Now what am I left with? Emotionally crippling flashbacks. Puking up more blood than usual. Alone in my thoughts all the time. I am depressed. More depressed than lately. I can't just not feel this. This isn't just stupid highschool drama. This is real and it hurts worse. I miss my friends and I miss conversation and people who enjoy being with each other. My brain hurts so badly I can't stand it.

Today I worked about ten hours. I ran up and down stairs almost the whole time. The creepy bus boy stopped talking to me which is good and one of the other bus boys looks like Michael Helms only much much younger...





I do not know why, but I am getting the reoccurring dreams of Michael again. Most of them with no sound. Just like, an embrace and no words.

I don't know what to think about them.



I love my job, it makes my mind quiet. I also like driving to work for the same reasons.

Hello LiveJournal.

2 things.

1. Using this to keep my thoughts outside my brain, for the most part.
2. Project Up Stream can suck my left nut, theres enough internet harassment out there, I don't think we need deliberate confusion.